Day 17 Again: How I Found The Courage To Be Creative

This is the third post in a seven post series about my journey to enlightened consciousness. You can find the first here and the second here.

“Your body is a wonderful tool to help align you with spirit. Noting how it feels helps you make creative choices that will bring you closer to what you desire.”

-Deepak Chopra

Creativity is the focus of this blog.

Oh, you didn’t notice? Yeah! I’m doing a 365 Day Creativity Challenge! Today I want to use this time to talk about the many levels of what that means.

I use “creativity” to describe the conventional meaning: getting out the pencils to do some sketching, but I also use the same word to describe the act of communicating and creating a union of ideas between disparate fields of knowledge. Communication is creativity whether it’s me and a friend, a spiritual teacher, or just my sprit and my ego because words are vibrations that have real power in the world. I use “creativity” most powerfully though, in the context of the universe and humans’ ability to manifest reality and shape source energy into a life for themselves.

The electron soup we are surrounded by and a part of is what I call Divinity.

This is source energy, the stuff of pure potentiality. The quantum physicists among us will know that though we appear to be solid “Veronicas” and “Ehsans” our cells are actually composed of molecules which are composed of electrons, which are composed of ninety percent empty space! This knowledge shows us how different we really aren’t from the empty space surrounding and separating us. When we take perceptions of “solid” and “separate” out of our vocabulary, which quantum physics is now giving us the formulas to do, we begin to understand the true nature of abundance. If we are never separate, we are always whole; if energy is neither created nor destroyed and the air and people and stars around us are nothing but our same energy only condensed differently, then there is no end to life.

I don’t think spiritual teachers speak enough about the reality of what we must sacrifice in order to live this truth.

The realization that we are only energy and not separate from any of the other beings or energy constructions in the universe is a loaded one. When we see that the energy that makes up me and my daughter is the same as what makes up the cash in my purse, a certain level of responsibility must also be accepted. The Law of Attraction embodies this truth: whatever you are, you attract. Creativity in its divine sense is the embodiment of this law. In order to seek abundance we have to create the life, actions, thoughts, and patterns that we want to attract; when we live the law of attraction, we must accept that we are the perpetuators of our own personal destinies. This is the ultimate creative act.

Intuition is the voice of God and creative energy comes from intuition.

Those with stronger intuition will have more creative energy and those who silence intentionally or just never learned to trust their inner voice, will feel creatively powerless. This can manifest as feeling uncomfortable with a paintbrush in our hands or also, as feeling unable to control our lives, ourselves and our surroundings. Once we reach a point of being able to surrender personal will to divine will, our lessons in this theme will be complete.

Though the chakras and seven holy sacraments are a handy chart of life lessons and represent a symbolic path that culminates in realizing divine power and potential, the healing and self-development process is not an exclusively linear one. There are internal cycles underpinning the general current of learning and growth.

This is the path I've been walking.
This is the path I’ve been walking.

For example, today I want to write about my understanding of the throat chakra lessons Caroline Myss identifies. Though she places this body of wisdom fifth out of the seven life lessons we all learn, I experienced them in 2008 as the third phase of my journey. While I mastered the task enough to progress on to the next lessons in my process, I am now returning to do some unfinished business. Just a few weeks ago I was compelled to consciously focus on raising my throat chakra vibrations and began several rituals to increase my creativity. This was stimulated by a physical change (moving to Spain) which made me conscious of my literal ability to communicate with other people but it also raised questions about my symbolic ability to communicate with the divine; both are creative acts.

It is no accident that the center of creative power is the throat.

To open up another channel for communication with the divine, I have started to learn to read tarot cards and have deepened my connection to astrological events, I am also continuing to journal but am now using it as a highly powerful intention-setting event which has apparently culminated in this lovely little blogspace we have here! In an attempt to revisit the lessons learned at this stage of my life, I am consciously focusing on my breathing and how the nose and throat light up with blue light when I breathe. I also visualize my blue light as the bridge between purple and green, mind and heart. It’s important to note that these lights are not something I “invite” into my body. These are the bone structure of my energetic body, they are always there whether I am focusing on them or not; this knowledge changes the visualization completely.

Even the smallest events must have divine significance.

I have been setting the intention to notice the communication from the divine by listening to my intuition and noting acts of synchronicity. For example, when I find a hair on the sleeve of my coat; one day I suddenly understood this often unnoticed event to represent one small fear being released from my consciousness. The symbolic reminder that I have the power to physically let go of fears is very beautiful and so is the thought that I needn’t PULL the fears out of my head, I only need to set the intention to let go and when my subconscious has done the work, the fear will gently fall free. This practice also makes cleaning much more satisfying when I get to dump a dust pan of fears into the garbage afterwards.

Myss has made an entirely new profession out of the title “medical intuitive.” Her book Anatomy of the Spirit is based on research of several disparate religious structures which she uses explain her ability to diagnose disease and recommend healing practices based solely on an energetic evaluation of a patient. She works with traditional doctors to implement psychological techniques to heal the energetic body and accompany medical regimens in order to provide holistic healing for people sick from cancer to HIV, to fatigue and depression. She has proof that all physical illness (and spiritual) has a connection to the fifth throat chakra because choice is involved in every detail of our lives and therefore, every illness.

Generally spiritual seekers experience the maturation of will power in a predictable progression of three basic stages: 1. tribal perception – everyone and everything around you has authority over you; 2. you alone have authority over you; 3. true authority comes from aligning yourself to God’s will.

I do everything backwards.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs states that in order to develop as people, we must meet certain needs in a certain order, starting with physiological needs, but HSPs are backwards!
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs states that in order to develop as people, we must meet certain needs in a certain order, starting with physiological needs; but HSPs are backwards!

As a child, it was remarkable how unwilling I was to permit others and my surroundings tocontrol me, and I learned to control my emotions after I learned to say everything happens for a reason. The most recent stage of the development of my will power has been learning that the energy of others has an effect on my energy whether intentional or not. This developmental abnormality is because like all HSPs, I have been programmed to do this and everything else backwards and upside down. Myss’ book has seven chapters, one for each chakra or step on the healing journey which is common to most of her patients and people in general. I am reading them backwards. I have never done this before and it is proving to be so insanely enlightening and mind-blowingly awesome. I can’t believe how accurately I can pinpoint the times in my life when I have experienced the same progression of healing and growth that Myss writes about, TO THE LETTER, just backwards!

The first time I remember thinking You choose, I’ll follow, I was something like seventeen.

It wasn’t a total surrender but I knew a big threshold was coming (helpfully disguised as my first year of college) and I didn’t have any real guidance from the world or my parents to help me shape the next phase. All I had was my past experiences which led me to break open my fears of personal growth, leave behind the familiar contents of my life, and shout “No more – I will not take this anymore; I do not deserve this type of treatment. I cannot stay here one more day – I must leave.” Of course, being a (physical) minor I had to stay put, but this feeling had been building in the years since I’d crossed my third eye threshold when I was fourteen and I recognize it now as a subconscious desire to let the Divine have its way with me.

The familiar contents of my life were not at all inviting and I knew from deep inside that I deserved much more love, happiness, and security. So I went to get it.

“The only way to acquire that feeling of security is to enter the whirlwind of change and come out the other end, feeling alive again.”

– Caroline Myss, Ph.D.

These are the words of Myss but they were the feeling I got from my intuition and with symbolic sight to guide me, I saw the year 2008 as the finish line of a long marathon before freedom. It seemed so obvious and natural that everything would change once I was finally allowed to leave home that I didn’t even think about the reason I anticipated such a change until just now, writing this.

Home was a place I had to bide my time, leaving was never something I noticed should be scary.

I didn’t know what would happen after the time to leave arrived but I spent my early teens lying in bed, hushing the longing cries of my suffocating Wild Woman and not allowing myself to dream of the glorious freedom I could only wait to achieve. I knew what was out there: a new beginning of a journey which was led by me and no one else, but actually it wasn’t me who led it; I didn’t know what I wanted. I had no expectations but happiness, I only knew how to do what felt right, I only knew how to follow my intuition, God’s will, and I didn’t even know that’s what I was doing until six years had passed.

That’s the kind of realization that makes a person whisper WOW to an empty room.

My problem with the fact my parents forced me to attend church every Sunday, and the thing that led me through a period of agnosticism, wasn’t an issue with the concept of God, it was with the rituals they insisted upon following blindly. What I understood after fourteen years of church services was that no mortal could ever know the mind of God and that the only true act of faith is to accept all that God asks of us. The extra stuff, created by humans, seemed like it was polluting the idea of Divinity and I shied away from it. God owes no mortal an explanation for His decisions, Job said. So why, I wondered, do we go around focusing our time on trying to figure out the reasons for all of his decisions?

“God asked Job, ‘Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?’ and ‘Have you ever given orders to the morning or sent dawn to its post?'”

It’s possible that this teaching was conferred to me in my fifteen years of Sunday school and Youth Group but I don’t remember hearing it, only the feeling of understanding it. My transcendentally oriented mind was programmed with a distrust for all constructions human and I saw the rituals of Christianity as threatening and even repulsive after a time.

It has taken five years of research and eleven years of re-programming but I have finally been able to see down to the roots of theology, buried by human will and the perceptions of men. For years I shied away from any mention of God or divinity because I felt uncomfortable with the whole body of Christian thought. With time I have gained enough distance from the torment my parents caused by being unable to accept my questions about their religion and now I am able to identify two basic issues that I (and many others) have with modern Christian practices:

1. Original Sin – I believe it is completely awful and disrespectful to ourselves to think we are born needing to seek forgiveness from the Divine. We aren’t perfect but we aren’t innately sinful either.

2. God would never punish an unjust man – The story of Job actually deals with this but the impression is still that if you are a good person, only good things will happen. Actually, suffering and injustice are universal experiences.

Can you imagine growing up in an emotionally abusive household based on the second rule?

Suffering was the major theme of the first eighteen years of my life and I was supposed to believe I deserved all of the punishment I received. I was NOT buying it. The only thing I knew I could trust was that divine will always leads us to learn and that all learning sheds light on the nature of Spirit and God.

I when I found my first book on Buddhism it was the definition of finding a light in the dark.

Buddhism showed me a religion without a God and guided me back to a place where I trusted completely the love of God, the Universe, Goddess, Gaia, whatever you want to call it.

Sahara Desert, Tunisia (c) Veronica Anderson
Sahara Desert, Tunisia (c) Veronica Anderson

The dark night of my life ended when I learned that suffering is inherent.

The torment of my childhood wasn’t my fault! Buddhism’s founder, Shakyamuni Buddha was the one who taught me that God wasn’t punishing me. He showed me that I could return to the knowledge that I was born understanding which is that we are all naturally divine after all.

Before I healed myself at the level of my relationship with God, I was unwilling to accept that I had divine power and was responsible for my destiny as well as capable of manipulating it. I didn’t believe that I was capable of knowing my divine purpose and reason for being; I thought these were either non-existent things or out of the realm of things I could understand.

My will is what got me through my dark night.

God’s will is what pulled me out of it. When I reached the point of mastery in these life lessons, I realized that the best choice I could make was to live according to these rules:

1. Make no judgments
2. Have no expectations
3. Give up the need to know why things happen as they do
4. Trust that the unscheduled events of our lives are a form of spiritual direction
5. Have the courage to make the choices we need to make, accept what we cannot change, and have the wisdom to know the difference

I had no choice but to give up the need to know why things happen as they do.

Sometimes in our dark night there is simply no reason big enough to explain why your father doesn’t want to like you and only loves you because he has to. All the sleepless nights in the world aren’t long enough to ask the question enough times to find out why you simply can’t trust your mother for support. After enough time, you have no more energy left for sleepless nights and all that’s left to do is trust that there is a bigger purpose, a reason that’s so huge you can’t possibly see it until you have enough distance.

“Everything happens for a reason” is the start of a new life.


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