173: Un/Conditional Love

I have this lover. I know that we were destined to meet because our palms bear identical lines and he is my mirror in every sense. At times he is a perfect image of me, and the rest of the time he is my perfect opposite.

However, this does not mean that our relationship is charmed, quite the contrary. You see, Hollywood taught me how to behave when a boyfriend cheated on me or didn’t get along with my best friend, but the challenges we two star-crossed lovers face are of another kind all together. For instance, today we found ourselves in the middle of a lively discussion about the nature of un/conditional love.

Struggling to express a concept I vaguely grasped, it was only a few moments before the effort brought it sharply into focus. I was left speechless at the realization that I understand more about the nature of love than I had been willing to admit. Meditating on my heart chakra, the nature of “unconditional” love always eluded me until today and now, here I am, trying to tease out the fine hairs.

Nature Never Fears

I thought I didn’t know what unconditional love was. I thought that I was utterly selfish, untrained by narcissistic and inept parents and that without an image of what that kind of love looked like, I was never going to find it showing up in my life. Well it turns out to have been there all along, I just wasn’t appreciative. It goes something like this: I am a giver. I am the friend that gets sucked dry by an insatiable desire to help others and a keen healer’s eye. My friendships have all but dissolved in the last year as I came to realize that the only thing I was receiving from them was the feeling of being needed and I sought a healthier start.

I never thought of myself as the doormat, the forgotten giving tree, or the tired old sweater – soft and comfy to the touch but the last thing you look at when a fancy prince comes to town. I knew there was nothing sustainable about this pattern of giving and never replenishing, it is inherently unbalanced. What drove this unsustainable behavior was not insanity (or maybe it was?) but unconditional love.

Sure, the extreme opposite of the sad old sweater love is giving love only when energetic compensation can be expected and that is equally shameful. No one would argue that love out of obligation is inherently less valuable, that’s for sure. But if a person finds himself making promises only to give as much love as he “is able,” does that not speak to an equally dubious condition? It says, “If I have enough energy for myself then I will give you some love in whatever form you require.” Well that is the very definition of conditional now, isn’t it? sunlovehafiz

So what’s our position on conditional love? Is it just a stepping stone to the unconditional variety? Should conditional love be looked down upon? What purpose does it serve? How can we take Mother Nature’s examples of unconditional love and feel their energy in our own lives? I am reminded of the effortless gift of sunlight which will someday drain our great star of all his life force. Does he ever ask, “What if I don’t have enough?”

I can’t tell you how interested I’d be to hear your thoughts. Don’t hesitate to chime in below!


4 thoughts on “173: Un/Conditional Love

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  1. you had/have me weeping over here. i admire your courage, you brave lion, you. i know you are on the cusp, but i see a lot of leo in you, as well 😉

    thank you for your honesty and your open heart. i understand – and i believe that you are wildly blessed. i love the quotes you chose – they resonate and fill me with so much emotion. it really is all so simple, isn’t it?! – the sun rises every day, and the moon every night. WOW!!!

    and as far as un/conditional love — oh my. i want to comment because you so adorably closed the post with the offer to… but i just keep drawing blanks – it suffices to say, i know i have experienced plenty of unconditional love in my life… particularly from my cat. 😉
    and for some silly reason i am reminded of this song by barenaked ladies called “stomach vs. heart.” if you feel so inclined one day, look it up 😉

    xxoo ❤

    1. i am really enjoying the thought of adopting a cat! i am thinking that might be the best way to invite a professor of love into my life for some good lessons and study.

      thanks as always for your generous gift of energy and validation, sweet audrey. it’s amazing to hear that i’ve touched something so deep with my words. i really feel as though my life’s work is to strip of all the layers i’ve added that keep me away from NATURE. nature just gets it.

      xxoo ❤

      On Sun, Jun 22, 2014 at 12:58 AM, The Sacred Architecture of Here and Now wrote:


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